


Innocence is Gone and What Was Right is Wrong

by Larry_Klaine_Stylinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bullying, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-18
Updated: 2013-04-18
Packaged: 2017-12-08 19:38:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/765230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larry_Klaine_Stylinson/pseuds/Larry_Klaine_Stylinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Louis have been in a relationship for years, but have been keeping it a secret, afraid of the reactions of people at school. Finally, they decide to come out, and find out that they were right to be afraid of people's reactions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Innocence is Gone and What Was Right is Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written as a prompt fill on Tumblr.
> 
> Basically the prompt was for me to write whatever came to me when I listened to Bleeding Out by Imagine Dragons, and this is what I came up with. Hopefully you all enjoy. :)

Harry and Louis had been best friends since they were young, when Harry was seven and Louis was nine. They had been dating since Harry was fourteen and Louis was sixteen, but it had been kept secret, for fear of how people would treat them once they knew. Harry was sixteen now, however, and Louis eighteen, and they decided it was high time they come out as the couple they were. It hurt hiding it all the time, acting as if they were just friends in public.

Their families knew and were supportive, but that was it. Even their closest friends didn't know. The people in their small town were all very conservative and who knew what people would begin saying behind their backs once they came out? But they'd gotten to the point that they didn't care. They were in love and they were tired of hiding it.

Louis picked Harry up and they drove to school together as they did every morning, but today was different, because today, as they got out of the car, the grabbed onto each other's hands, linking their fingers together and holding on tightly, a reassurance for each other that everything was going to be okay.

As they walked into the school, a few people glanced in their direction, scoffing or rolling their eyes. Some even looked ill, and some angry. Harry didn't know which reaction was the worst. But so long as he had Louis by his side he was sure he'd be alright.

They couldn't stay together all day, though. Louis was older, had different lessons to go to. The only time they ever really saw each other was the beginning of the day, lunch, and then when Louis met Harry by his locker to drive him home.

Louis walked with Harry to his locker, still holding his hand, and then giving him a kiss on the cheek before walking off to his own locker. Harry grabbed out his books, and as he stepped away from the locker, someone passed him, ramming his shoulder with their own.

"Hey!" He said, before he could stop himself.

"Problem, homo?"

"What did you call me?" Harry asked, anger and a little bit of fear running through him.

"A homo." The other boy said. Harry had never spoken to this boy in his life. What right did he have to judge him this way? "That's what you are, isn't it? A filthy little faggot, yeah?"

Harry felt tears prickling in his eyes and he swallowed hard.

"Saw you holding hands with your little boyfriend." He snarled. "I've got class with him next. Maybe I should teach him a lesson."

"Don't you dare." Harry said.

"What are you gonna do about it, hm?"

"Just...Just leave Lou alone." Harry muttered. "I've...I've gotta get to class."

"See you later, homo."

Harry walked quickly to his classroom, slumping to the back and sitting in a seat, resting his head in his hands and trying to block out the rest of the world.

 

000

By the time lunch arrived, word must have gotten out about Harry and Louis' PDA that morning. When they walked into the cafeteria, everyone was whispering and looking in their direction. Their friends who usually sat with them had moved across the room to another table with some other acquaintances and Harry and Louis were left to sit by themselves.

"How's your day been?" Louis asked, concern in his eyes.

"Not great." Harry shrugged. "People keep whispering. Someone threatened to hurt you earlier. You're not hurt, are you?" He asked, suddenly terrified.

"No, Hazza, I'm fine." Louis smiled. "I had hoped that at least our very best friends would stick by us, but it seems as if everyone's treating us like some sort of plague."

"It's just how they were raised." Harry shrugged. "We're the only gay kids in thew whole school, Lou. And everyone has been raised with the views of people from a hundred years ago. Is it really such a shock?"

"Not a shock." Louis shook his head. "More of a disappointment. You'd think the people who have been friends with us for years would at least give us a chance to explain instead of gossiping like the rest of the people here."

Harry nodded, picking at his food, not really hungry.

"At least we still have our families, though, yeah?"

"Yeah." Harry smiled.

Louis took his hand under the table and held it tightly, offering a bit of reassurance to the younger lad. He could deal with all the whispers and the judging eyes so long as he had Louis by his side.

000

The rest of the day dragged on, and at last the final bell rang. Harry walked quickly to his locker, grabbing his books and shoving them into his rucksack. Louis came up behind him, resting a hand on his shoulder, and although he knew it was Louis, it still made him jump. Ever since that idiot had threatened to hurt Lou this morning he'd been on edge.

"Hey, it's just me." Louis soothed.

"I know." Harry nodded. "Just...On edge. You're still okay, yeah?"

"Fine, Harry." Louis smiled.

Harry turned around then, hugging his boyfriend tightly. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply, and the next thing he knew he and Louis were being shoved sideways, their hips colliding with the row of lockers next to them.

"Fuck." Harry muttered, his arms unwrapping from around Louis' body to massage his hip.

"Keep your disgusting hugs to yourselves." A girl yelled at them, and Harry realized it was she who had pushed them. She was strong.

"We hugged like this all the time before any of you knew and no one had a problem with it." Louis pointed out.

"It's different now." She scoffed.

"How?!" Louis asked. "How is it different? And how is Harry and I holding hands any worse than you and your fifty boyfriends sucking each other's faces off in the halls every day, hm?"

"You disgust me." The girl said, flipping her hair over her shoulder and sauntering off down the hall.

"The feeling is mutual." Louis muttered, turning back to Harry. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Harry nodded. "Fine."

And he was okay, physically. But mentally he wasn't doing so well. Maybe they should have just kept their relationship a secret until they were both out of their little conservative town and had accepting and positive friends off at Uni or wherever they ended up going. Harry wasn't sure if he could handle this sort of torment every day.

"Come on, Hazza." Louis said, wrapping an arm around Harry's waist. "Let's go back to mine and mum can make us sundaes, yeah?"

"Okay." Harry nodded.

000

The next day wasn't any better. In fact, it was worse. Harry was getting shoved into lockers and having his books knocked out of his hands. He was tripped and kicked and called a plethora of names that he didn't even understand, but he was sure they were insults about the fact that he loved a boy.

He didn't understand how people could be so cruel. The whispers and stares and glares were one thing, but he was being abused now. He was being beaten for being in love, and that wasn't right. Why was his love any different from anyone else's? Just because he and Louis were both men shouldn't change the fact that love is a beautiful thing. He was lucky he'd found Louis, especially at such a young age. He should feel lucky, anyway. But he didn't anymore. Because apparently his love was wrong.

By the time lunch rolled around his bones were aching almost as much as his heart. Louis met up with him in the cafeteria and they sat next to each other at their table all alone. Harry looked over at Louis and saw a purple bruise beginning to form just below his right eye.

He reached up to touch it gently and Louis winced, "Someone hit you?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, Harry." Louis nodded.

Tears prickled in Harry's eyes and he blinked furiously to keep them from falling.

"It's okay, Harry." Louis assured him, resting a hand on his shoulder. "I'm fine. In a few days this will all just blow over and everyone will find something new to talk about."

Harry wasn't so sure he believed him, but he nodded all the same. He wasn't hungry and the thought of eating made his stomach churn, so he pushed his lunch tray away from him, curling up into Louis' side. And that was probably a bad idea. They should probably stop the PDA all together, if they wanted the bullying to stop. But right now, all Harry wanted or needed was Louis.

Louis wrapped his arms around Harry, kissing the top of his head and burying his nose in Harry's curls. He rubbed his back gently, soothing him a bit, and Harry let out a soft sigh.

"I just don't want people hurting you, Lou." Harry muttered.

"It's going to be okay, Harry. We're going to be okay. I promise."

000

But things weren't okay. A month passed and they were still being teasted and tormented and beaten down every single day. Harry had told Louis that he should stop kissing him and holding him at school. That maybe then people would leave them alone. Maybe they'd all just forget. But it hadn't worked, and after a week, Louis had decided that if they were going to be bullied anyway, he ought to at least get to hold his boyfriend when he wanted to, and Harry had agreed. He needed comfort.

Harry's mum was getting worried, as was Louis' entire family. They both kept assuring them that they were alright, but Harry didn't even believe himself, so why should his mum believe him? He'd come home with bruises a few times and she'd cleaned him up and asked him what she could do to help, but really there was nothing, so he'd simply shrugged and told her he was okay and that he could take care of himself.

It was lunch time now, and Harry didn't even bother getting a tray anymore. He couldn't eat here. Louis would always try to feed him a bit of his food, but Harry didn't want it.

Louis had a new bruise today, bigger than usual, and he winced when Harry wrapped an arm around his waist. Harry frowned, and Louis gave him a soft smile that Harry was sure he would have found reassuring if it weren't for the fact that he knew better.

"We're not okay anymore." Harry muttered, his face pressed into Louis' shoulder.

"No." Louis admitted. "But we will be."

Harry closed his eyes, willing the tears not to fall. That was when he realized that after this year, Louis would be gone. After this year, Harry would have to face all of this alone, and he couldn't do it. He couldn't take this every single day without Louis. He just couldn't.

He stayed pressed to Louis' side until the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch, and then he went to get his books.

On his way to his locker, he was cornered by three boys from Louis' year. They crowded around him, backing him up until he was pressed against the wall, and then began throwing punches at him left and right, hitting him hard in the stomach and jaw, causing him to cry out in pain. A few people passed, but no one tried to help him.

They punched him until he dropped to his knees from the pain, and then each gave him a good kick to the stomach, before walking away, laughing loudly. Harry curled in on himself, tears and blood from his lip dripping onto his pants.

He stayed curled up in the corner of the hall until the final bell rang, and Louis came looking for him.

"Harry?" Louis called from far down the hall, where he'd been looking for him at his locker. "Harry?"

"M'here." Harry said as loud as he could, wincing at how horrible his voice sounded. "Louis!"

"Harry!" Louis called, quickly running over to him. "What's happened?"

"Been here since lunch ended." Harry said. "Some guys just...They cornered me and-"

"You should have gone to the nurse. You should have called me, or-"

"Couldn't really move." Harry cut him off. "They got me pretty good, Lou."

"Hazza." Louis whispered, a pained expression on his face. "C'mere, love. Let's get you home so Anne can fix you up, yeah?"

"Okay." Harry nodded, and Louis helped him up.

They walked slowly out to Louis' car, and people stared as they passed, some snickering, and some actually looking mildly concerned. Harry figured those were the people who would just sit around whispering, but never really wanted anything bad to happen. But that didn't make him hate them any less. They fueled the ones who did the damage. They were just as much to blame.

Louis drove quickly to Harry's house, helping him inside and calling for Anne.

"I've got Harry here and it isn't a pretty sight, Anne. I want you to know that before you come out here."

Anne came out of the kitchen, halting at the sight of her son, bloody lip and bruised cheeks, crumpled against Louis' side in obvious pain.

"Harry, what happened?"

"Just...Some kids at school." Harry shrugged.

"Come here, love." Anne said, and Louis helped Harry make his way into the kitchen, setting him down gently in a chair.

Anne got some antiseptic and some fancy cream that Harry wasn't sure what exactly the use of it was, but she'd been putting it on his bruises. She cleaned him up quickly and then told Louis that he was allowed to go up to Harry's room today, because these were special circumstances, and that they didn't even have to keep the door open. Harry figured she knew how much Harry would just want to cuddle up to Louis' side and maybe take a nap, and she wanted him to be able to do so in private.

Louis helped Harry up out of the chair and took him up to his room, lying him down on the bed and then lying beside him. Harry scooted over, wincing a bit as the bruised flesh of his stomach was strained by his movements. He rested his head on Louis' chest, and Louis brought a hand up to run through his curls, massaging his scalp gently.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you, Harry." Louis said softly. "There must be something we can do."

Harry had a thought of something he himself could do to put a stop to it all, but he wasn't about to tell Louis of his idea. Not right now. Right now he just wanted Louis to hold him and tell him everything would be okay, even though they both knew it wouldn't be.

Harry wrapped his arms firmly around Louis' waist, pressing his nose into Louis' chest, breathing in the scent of his shirt, "Tell me I'm going to be okay." He whispered.

"You're going to be okay, Harry. I promise."

"Thank you."

"Of course, Harry." Louis said, kissing him gently on the top of the head. "Everything's going to be fine."

He must have fallen asleep after that, because the next thing he knew it was pitch black and Louis was shaking him awake gently, telling him that his mum had some dinner waiting for him downstairs, and that he needed to get home, because his mum needed to go out and he had to watch his sisters.

Harry nodded, still feeling half asleep.

"I'll see you soon, Harry." Louis said, giving him a gentle peck on the lips. "I love you."

"Love you, too, Lou." Harry mumbled.

Instead of going down to get dinner, however, he simply laid back down and drifted off to sleep once more, the events of the day having worn him out entirely.

000

The next day when he woke up the sun was shining and the birds were chirping and he still felt miserable. He looked out the window and his mum's car was gone, which meant she must be running her Saturday errands. Perfect.

He had been thinking about this for a while, never letting the thought quite reach the forefront of his mind, keeping it back. Just a distant little idea. But after yesterday he knew it was what was best. He was going to have to kill himself. That was the only way to get this all to end.

He trudged down to the kitchen, his entire body aching and heavy. He grabbed a sharp knife, not really sure what exactly he was going to do with it, but not having any other ideas for how to get the job done. He walked slowly back up to his room, and he'd planned to write a note, but decided that he'd really rather just call Louis instead. Not many people would miss him, and he was in too much pain to write.

And maybe it was a little selfish, calling Louis right before doing what he had planned, but he'd miss Louis, and he needed to have a proper goodbye.

He picked up his phone, going to his recent calls, which were all from Louis, aside from the few from his mum, and clicked on Louis' name. It began to ring, and after a few seconds, Louis answered.

"Harry! How are you feeling, love?"

"I just called to say goodbye, Lou."

"You what?"

"I can't...I can't anymore."

"Can't what?" Louis asked, sounding panicked.

"Do this. Deal with all of this. I can't. And next year you'll be gone and I'll have to face it alone and the only reason I've made it this long is because I've got you by my side. Once you're gone I won't be able to do it, and I'm in so much pain, Louis, and I'm just ready for it to be over."

"Harry, you can't-"

"It'll be better for you, too. You're not gay. You could choose to be with a girl now. You could go off to Uni and find a really nice girl and you'll never have to get hurt like this again, Lou. It's just better this way, okay? I promise you it's better this way."

"Harry, are you listening to yourself?" Louis asked. "I could've chosen to be with a girl all along but I didn't because I want you."

"That's why I've got to go."

"No." Louis was crying now, Harry could tell. "No, Harry, you can't. You can't just leave me alone. What do you think they're going to do to me over the last month of school once you're gone?"

That gave Harry pause. He hadn't thought of that. Would things get worse for Louis if Harry was out of the picture? Even if they did, it wouldn't be for long. He'd be better off without him. Better off with some girl who was his own age, who could go through Uni with him and then get married and have children without anyone ever giving them a second glance. He wanted that for Louis. He wanted him to have a happy life filled with love.

"I just want you to be happy, Lou." Harry muttered into the phone, picking up the knife and looking it over. He thought maybe he'd just go for the wrists. That was the most common way, wasn't it?

"I am happy." Louis said. "I'm happy with you, Harry."

"You think you're happy."

Harry could hear rustling on the end of the line and it sounded as if Louis was getting dressed or something of the sort.

"I know whether or not I'm happy, Harry, and I'm happy with you. I don't want anyone else. I don't want to be...Normal, or whatever. I just want you."

Harry shook his head and heard the sound of Louis' car starting up. Fuck. He was coming to stop him. Harry should have thought of this before he'd called to tell him goodbye. Of course Louis wouldn't just let him off himself. What kind of boyfriend would he be if he did that?

"Louis, this is what I want." Harry said, trying to persuade him. "I want to go. I want it to be over now."

"Don't say that." Louis said, and Harry could just picture the tears running down his face. "Don't you dare say that, Harry. I know things have gotten bad, but we're going to make it through this together. I promise you that. We'll make it through."

"I'm sorry, Lou." Harry said. "I can't."

Louis was silent, aside form a few hiccuping sobs.

"I love you." Harry told him.

"If you love me you'd-"

Harry hung up then. He couldn't stand to hear Louis trying to stop him anymore. This is what he wanted and it was going to be done, no matter what Louis wanted, or thought he wanted. Because Harry knew deep down that in the end Louis would be grateful.

He picked up the knife, bringing it to his wrists and taking a deep breath, pushing it against his skin. As he began the smooth slide of the blade, he heard the front door open. He took a breath, urging himself to keep moving. As he slid the blade slowly across his skin, his bedroom door flew open and Louis ran to him, quickly taking him by the wrist and pulling the knife away from him. He grabbed a few tissues from Harry's bedside table and held them to the wound, stopping the small trickle of blood that had begun.

"Don't you dare ever try that again, Harry." Louis said. "Don't even think about it."

Harry began to cry then, the small trance he'd been in all morning broken, "It's for the best, Lou." He sobbed. "It's for the best."

"Losing you will never be for the best, Harry. Never."

Harry shook his head and Louis climbed up onto the bed next to him, taking him in his arms and holding him tight.

"I called your mum." Louis told him. "When you hung up on me, I called her. I think...I think she's going to call a mental hospital or-"

"No!" Harry shook his head. "No, I'm not going away. I don't want them to take me away, Louis."

"I'd rather you spend some time there than leave forever, Harry. Do you know how crazy you sounded? Just...The fact that you'd even think I could be better off without you." Louis shook his head.

"You would be." Harry muttered.

Louis pulled away from the embrace, looking Harry dead in the eyes, "I wouldn't. I can't even remember a life without you, Harry, and I don't want to find out what it's like."

Harry began crying harder, and he leaned forward, connecting his lips to Louis', their tears running together as they both cried through the kiss.

"I'm sorry, Lou." Harry said as he pulled away. "I'm sorry, I...I'm sorry."

"Never do that to me again."

"I won't." Harry said. "I promise. I just...I really thought that you-"

"Shh." Louis shushed him. "Just stop talking. Just let me hold you until your mum gets here."

Harry nodded, and Louis wrapped him up in his arms. Harry hadn't cut his wrist too deeply, so the bleeding had stopped quickly and his wrist stung a little bit, but he didn't think he was going to need stitches.

His mum arrived home just a few moments later, running up to Harry's room and joining Louis in hugging her son, "Thank you for calling me, Louis."

"Of course."

Anne pulled away from the embrace then, "You need help, Harry."

"I don't want to go away." Harry cried, holding Louis tighter.

"Would you agree to therapy?" Anne asked. "Therapy, and I'm taking you out of school. I'll homeschool you until you're old enough for Uni, yeah?"

Louis pulled away from the embrace, looking excitedly at Harry and then at Anne, "That's brilliant! That's such a brilliant idea!"

"Okay." Harry nodded, biting his lip. "Yeah, okay."

Anne kissed Harry on the forehead and headed for the door, "I'm going to go make some calls then. You're going to be okay, baby."

Harry smiled at his mother, and she closed his door on her way out. Louis laid back on the bed, and Harry laid down next to him, curling into his side.

"I'm so glad you're getting help, Harry. And you won't have to go to school anymore, and no one can hurt you now." Louis smiled. "And once you've graduated you can come and live with me at Uni and everyone will be accepting and everything will be perfect."

Harry smiled at Louis' ramblings, and he was glad that he'd called him. He thought that maybe in the back of his mind he'd wanted someone to stop him, and he was really glad Louis had worked so hard at it. He was just really glad he had Louis.

"I love you so much, Louis."

"I love you, too, Harry."

Harry snuggled up closer to Louis' side, pressing his face into Louis' neck and breathing deeply, and he knew that everything was going to be okay. It'd take time for him to get back to normal, and he knew it. But he had Louis and he had his mum and everything was going to be okay.

Everything was going to be perfect.


End file.
